8 Awful Gift Ideas

Whatever you do, don’t give these to anyone


Although the holiday season has passed, last-minute shoppers are year-round, and we’re all guilty of grabbing something on a whim. Now, you might feel pressed for time, but you still can come up with something thoughtful for everyone on your shopping list. Here are some things you definitely don’t want to get.

A Regift

Sometimes coming up with a meaningful present can be hard. You’ve got to really think about the recipient; for example, what they like, what they would find useful, how close you two are, all that. So, to take the easy route and regift something is super lazy and unthoughtful. Even if it’s an item that you don’t need or want, you should never regift. What’s even worse is if you give someone something that they had given to you before. Either you have a really bad memory or you are doing it intentionally because you are a douchebag. Be courteous and get something new.

Dirty Used Clothes

There’s nothing wrong with giving someone some nice clothes. It’s common to see a shirt or even a pair of pants in a gift box on Christmas day. Whether as a gag or a seriously thoughtful present, new clothes are much appreciated. But what if the clothes you received were not only used, but also had stains on them as well? Sweat, grease, and other unknowns cover the wrapped up garments, making for a terrible twist on a normally essential gift. Even the most broke of college students can afford to get a pair of socks for someone, so don’t donate yours.

Old Halloween Decorations

Halloween is a holiday that tons of people enjoy. Every year, kids and adults prep for the October event months in advance, and once it’s over, they start planning for the next year’s costume. Now, you’d think that giving someone some Halloween decor would be a good idea to help give them ideas. But no. Giving some fake cobwebs and plastic pumpkins is a really dumb idea.

Expired Food

Okay this is just straight up gross. Fresh, untouched snacks are cool, and everyone likes free food. But spoiled is a no-no. Be sure to check expiration dates before you purchase any perishables, because no one wants some stale cookies or rotten fruits. That’s certainly a lawsuit waiting to happen.

A Framed Picture of Yourself

How much of a narcissistic asshole do you have to be to give someone a picture of you? Like seriously, you’re doing enough by existing in the other person’s life, you don’t have to give them a physical reminder that you exist. I get it if it’s for your grandma or something, but it doesn’t work for anyone else. Stop it.


Wait, what? What would anyone ever do with this? Keep them squishies in the ocean, please.

A Kilogram of Cocaine

Unless the recipient is the leader of a cartel or they are trying to make a quick buck, do not give this as a gift. Narcotics can seem like a funny prank you play on your close friends, but nose candy isn’t a great idea. It could lead to addiction, or worse, law enforcement getting involved. Arguably the worst part of the gift is the cost to get it. With the lowest price for a kilo starting at $20,000, this “gift” is definitely not worth it.


This is so fucked. Please don’t. Just stay inside.

(Dis)honorable Mentions

Dick pics

Tickets to tour a meatpacking plant

A bucket of slugs

Anything you have stolen

Positive pregnancy test

In conclusion, put some actual effort into your presents. Don’t do anything like what I listed. And above all else, happy shopping.