Hey Universe, You Called?

When it hits you up, answer the line

The exact spot where I sat when the universe finally called.

When you ask certain people the question, “Was there a specific moment in your life that completely changed you?” most answers have to do with things like making a huge amount of money, getting a degree, finding the love of your life, the DREAM job, maybe even school, and the usual one — moving away from home.

Mine, which seems crazy, was the moment the universe first talked to me.

This concept may be strange to understand. I’m sure some reading this might think, “What the hell does she mean that the universe talked to her? Was she high?”

The answer is yes, the universe talks to me daily and it also talks to you. The first time I heard the universe speak to me was when I first experienced heartbreak. If you’ve ever experienced heartbreak, then you know how crazy of a roller coaster this feeling can be. One day you’re angry, trying to break the ukelele your ex gave you, and the next moment, you’re feeling empowered. To one day you’re crying endless tears listening to Frank Ocean on repeat eating a box of Oreos, and the next you’re going out with your friends dancing to the tunes of Ariana Grande.

Absolutely no sugar coating this — it’s rough. To really prevail through these feelings takes a certain amount of strength that I, and probably most people, can’t put into words. I can only share how it feels to be in this broken state of heartache because this caused a bend in my life that was so powerful that it changed me inside and out.

This shit is cliche, I get that. But I write this with so much promise because I know that there are girls, and even guys out there, who feel scared to accept that the universe is a beacon of light and love. So, this is my story.

This day, like any others during this time were so painful I could barely get out of bed to go to school. Even going to work felt like a complete drag. There was no way in hell I wanted to try and communicate with strangers and make cups of coffee. Just to hear complaints about how it’s not hot enough or there isn’t enough shots of espresso.

“Yes, Jenny, there are three shots in your cappuccino and it is decaf. I’m not sure why you’re spazzing out.”

In this particular month, which was in the summer of 2013, I lost a solid amount of friends due to the majority being in his circle. This is heavy to say and even think about, but my mom was coming to terms with the fact that my dad was having an affair.

It was a difficult period for my mom and to this day, I will never understand what that suffering must have felt like. Especially after 20 plus years of marriage. With all this going on and my mother not really having any source of healing, she took most of her pain out on me. It’s still hard to accept since my father never directly apologized to my mom, or to me about the affair. It does something to you as a person.

What I mean by that is your faith in finding a loving man gets shaken. Now let me say, I don’t blame her for hurting, but it was painful in a sense that I, too, was heartbroken. Carrying the weight of both mine and my mother’s pain was the most I have ever dealt with in my life. And to top it all off, I was just lounging around home alone in my sorrow until my sister called and told me that the guy I thought was the ‘love of my life’ now had a new girlfriend.

While it’s true that we had ended things two weeks prior, it added more fuel to the flame that this new girl happened to be one of my sister’s friends.
I remember feeling like I wanted to throw up. Watching my sister hold her phone bawling, now hurt by the guy she used to call once her older brother. My sister held me in her hands while we both cried. I think my sister was feeling the pain of it all since she became like family to him.

As for me, I was in the deepest pit I had ever been in. Being 19 and completely lost was one of the scariest things. I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. Most of the people I knew in high school knew exactly where they were going and what they wanted to be. I could barely figure out what I wanted to wear that day. Constantly hearing about my peers getting scholarships to USC, UC Berkeley, and other high prestigious schools made me feel so less than. I was like ‘Damn, I’m just going to community college, is this enough?’

So, as I’m sitting on the bathroom floor, tears flowing, heart pumping and having the biggest urge to end it all, was when I heard someone tell me to stop. Call me a liar or whatever you’d like but this is what I heard.

You are it, you are love, you are you, you are worth more than what you give yourself in this moment.

To be honest, I thought I was hallucinating or going crazy. I was thinking that I must have really hit rock bottom. Damn, I’m hearing voices.

With no hesitation, I immediately got up, walked to the backyard with tears flowing and boogers coming out of my nose, and I sat my ass on the grass and meditated. I’m not sure what it was exactly that pushed me to start meditating on the spot, but that was the moment that changed everything.

Before this experience, I used to question God or whatever the higher power we have here on this planet is. I always felt that s/he couldn’t hear me while I was growing up. I use to beg and plead for miracles or an answer in my life, but I never felt like I got what I wanted in return. But I think we have to be willing to converse with the universe or God daily in order to understand what we need to do and to get the answers we are looking for.

Ever since that day, I have been the biggest fan of meditation, spiritual healing and crystal usage. I swear to you, things have never been the same since that day. I take at least ten minutes every evening to just sit, meditate and heal myself of the negativity I feel so often.

According to NPR in the Health section, meditation actually has benefits for people who suffer from depression and anxiety on the daily. The article states: “The focus of mindfulness meditation is to train the brain to stay in the moment. To do this, practitioners are taught to let go of the regrets of the past as well as anxieties about the future.”

We go through a lot each day. Not just physically, but mentally. So many thoughts run through our minds on the daily that we forget ourselves in the process. Meditation gives you that time to be still and to understand yourself from within. It’s easy to get caught up with everything going on in the world that we tend to lose ourselves. But once we understand to be still and really hear the universe, this is when we truly learn.

No, the universe doesn’t always talk, but it will show you. It show’s you lessons through people, time, and objects. Take a look throughout your day and notice what the universe is trying to say. I know that we are here for a bigger purpose and sadness is inevitable, but once we allow ourselves to feel it, we slowly start becoming the person we always dreamed of being.

We cannot be brave without fear. We cannot be strong without feeling weak. And we cannot love without breaking down boundaries. Understanding that the opposite go hand in hand is the key to becoming whole.

Overall, just trust the universe it’s got your back. Let it talk.